Guilt

 As I've already written (see "Away"), what we've discovered, is that we feel guilt whenever we smile, laugh or enjoy absolutely anything. It feels disrespectful to Gina, to be capable of "moving on" in any small way. Yes, we know Gina would want us to miss her, but she would also want us to enjoy the life she was denied. She'd want us to make more of our lives than we would otherwise have done. She'd want us to travel, to enjoy nice things and be happy. If only it were that simple.

Richard E Grant has, it seems, covered this in his podcast. He lost his wife and talks about this phenomenon. I need to make time to read/watch/listen to the podcast. Perhaps it will add some perspective.