Pancakes

We've dreaded today. The first Christmas after losing someone close, is bound to be hard. It's doubly difficult for us because this time last year we were sat around Gina's bed opening her presents for her and describing the contents in the hope that she could hear. We'd already had our last conversations with her and two days later she would be gone.

Christmas this year isn't about celebration. It's about surviving into a second year without our beautiful girl.

This year there are no decorations. No tree. No Christmas dinner. There will be no Christmas morning pancakes - a unique family tradition which Gina was especially keen on.

So do we say we'll never do these things again, which we associate with Gina? Or, do we do them as a way to remember her? Both seem equally painful.