Things Gina would have...

One of Gina's "funny little ways" was that when changing the volume on the TV, she would always ensure that it was left on an even number. At the time I used to deliberately go for an odd number just to be awkward. I now realise that I probably caused her real anxiety and feel terrible about it. I now find myself doing as Gina would have wanted... Too little too late.

Gina would not  have been in her flat now. If things had not gone so horribly, cruelly wrong, she'd have been making a life with her partner.  For us though, the flat is a connection to Glasgow. It's a reason to keep going back, even though there is nothing left there of Gina's; we've brought it all home. Selling it will be yet another trauma that we need to endure.

The Great North Run was over a week ago now. We knew it would be tough, knowing that Gina would or should have been there running - if not there, then she'd have done other runs by now and we'd have been there to support her. This time we had to be there to support her cousin and boyfriend instead, who ran in Gina's name and raised money for the Beatson charity. We were on the edge of an emotional precipice all day. Normally, seeing young women in running gear, is difficult but oddly, having literally thousands of them didn't seem to have the same impact. Personally, speaking it was unexpected things which had me fighting back the tears - a child with a T-shirt saying "I'm here for my Mum" - a band of teenagers playing behind us. Things which wouldn't normally scratch the surface of an unemotional person like me, that nevertheless were enough to push me right to the edge. The stress of trying to get home, tired and drained at the end of a very long day...