Things Gina would have...

While she was still well enough, we played a lot of cards with Gina in hospital. Apart from standard card games, the favourite was Monopoly Deal. I initially thought it was better never to play that again but was persuaded to play on Gina's birthday. Gina would have approved.

Happy birthday Gina. You should have been 29 today. We miss you terribly. 

It's that time of year where Gemma, I, then Gina, have our birthdays, each 4 days apart. Needless to say that none of us feel much like celebrating. As a distraction, we're away from home for the period, but there are plenty of "Gina would have..." moments to negotiate. Firstly, Gina would have been home. If we had been away, she would have joined us. She also loved the outdoors and would have enjoyed our walks round the Lake District. She would have taken the challenge of getting across the water on stepping stones. Gina would have approved of the white sheets in the apartment. She would have encouraged us to climb hills and walk further and would have loved the glorious May weather. As it is though, it's just the two of us at the moment, trying to balance some sense of enjoyment with the guilt which comes with that. Today has been the most low-key birthday of my life, but that's what I needed. Saturday will be the toughest day. Gina w...

Coming home from Glasgow on Monday was a wrench, like a rerun of the trip  back on New Years Eve just 4 days after we lost Gina. Leaving Glasgow again felt like we were somehow leaving her behind. It's been a tough week since then, for some reason. We still wait for it to get easier.

This weekend we are back in Glasgow to sort through some more of Gina's things. Since her flat is now empty we are staying there. I knew it would be tough, but needs doing. I did think that an anonymous empty flat which had had tenants in it for several months, would be ok. But there are little reminders everywhere. This was her place.  She chose it. She and her mum decorated it. The place where she should have been working is right across the road,  all 14 gleaming floors of it which she watched beiing built, but never set foot inside. So cruel.

Today was Gina's Grandma's 90th birthday party. Gina would have been here. For us, the event was cut a little short after Chris decided to run around playing "tig" with the children. What he forgot was that he's a six-foot-three wearing shoes with little or no grip. He went over and did some mischief to his foot which resulted in a trip to A&E for an X ray. Thankfully it's not broken.  Gina would have laughed.